We do care and it does bother us, what other’s say, especially when we claim it doesn’t. Those who truly do not care, say just the opposite. They know it’s okay to be bothered, it’s alright. They set aside a little space just for that pain. When you are real, when you are authentic, there has to be room for pain. To be honest is to see that others can hurt you, and to know it has to be so. Not to pretend, “I’m so cool, I don’t give a shit.” You are not, and you do. I have noticed how emotional people are just as they are saying this. Either there is anger, or there is surrender and defeat. You have “I don’t give a fucking shit!”, and the “Well, I just don’t care.. *Sigh*”. Sometimes the possibly convincing, but actually merely constipated “I don’t care, really”. But there is never calm. There is never involvement. Why not let it hurt for a moment? You are real, and you must hurt. It’s okay. Let it in, and it will only stay for a while. Lock it out by pretending it’s not there, and it keeps knocking.
Supposedly we do not care what others say, yet, we stiffen if we are about to give them something to talk about. We hide from them under the cloak of normalcy. We are all hiding in the same closet of normalcy. Trying not to stand out, except in approved ways.
I used to shield myself pretty well. No one but a select few could hurt me with nothing but words. But then I dropped the shields, for the same reasons anyone drops those extra wheels after learning to ride a bike. It doesn’t mean that they know they’ll never lose balance and get hurt, but that is a risk their willing to take to be better bicycle riders. I want to more skilled at being all that I am, and so I must allow myself to be hurt. Each time I will care and each time it will be worth it. If it isn’t, it means I’m trying to be someone else.